My roommate of two years recently moved out under amicable circumstances. She left me with many things. For instance, a fridge full of half-empty, freezerburnt bags of peas; and a giant jug of kimchee in the fridge. She also left me with this dust-covered bottle of merlot, which I pulled out from under the sofa when she was in the process of packing. I am almost never one to turn down free booze, so I cracked it open as the second bottle of the night, with extremely low expectations. And those expectations were met!

This wine was like a punch in the face with a vanilla bean. VANILLA VANILLA VANILLA OAK OAK OAK OAK OAK (the label did say five oaks, so I was sufficiently warned.) A quick googling reveals that there are possibly up to three wineries named “Five Oaks”; this was the Californian variety. I was not crazy about this wine, but it was still drinkable without requiring me to make any faces or unpleasant groans. As it opened up, it took on a raisin-y taste, but not really in a good way, like you’ll find in carignanes. Definitely not the worst wine I’ve ever put in my mouth, but more or less exactly what you’d expect for a wine under the sofa.

BUY FIND IT AGAIN: Well, if I ever find another bottle hiding in my apartment, I’d probably drink it, but I’d do that with a lot of things.