Boozy McGuzzles

BOOZE TYPE: Wine
PRICE: $14.99 (on sale for $12.74) at Astor
RATING: A

I put a cap on the end of a stressful week of working in the mines by swinging in to the liquor store on my way home to get some goddamned booze. And, since Astor Wines is a lovely place that has tastings every Thursday-Sunday, I was there in time for a tasting. I had some weird but pleasant maple vodka, grabbed the bottle of bourbon I’d come in to get, and then got caught by the wine tasting area on the way out.

Now, I know I said recently that I could basically never drink another Chardonnay again as long as I lived and still be happy, but when I came up to the tasting table, the woman doing the pouring said the beautiful words “completely un-oaked”, and I thought it was definitely worth a taste. I tried the 2006 and found it quite delightful. The tasting lady said that the 2005 was “delicious”, and she said it with emphasis, so I went and snagged that off the shelf.

And it’s true! It is delicious! As promised, entirely unoaked. I’m a big fan of this whole stainless steel thing; it tends to lend a nice hint of minerality to a wine. The aroma is sharp and fruity, and the first impression on the tongue is acidity and a taste of apples. This is crisp upfront, but smooth and a little creamy on the finish.

This wine is very pleasant, and might just give me hope for chardonnay again.

BUY IT AGAIN: Could happen!

BOOZE TYPE: Wine
PRICE: $24.99 at Astor Center (Although I got a store card discount for $21.99!)
RATING: A-

I’m just going to be upfront about this: I bought this wine because I’m a sucker for a gimmick. The store had a couple of bottles sitting upright on one of the shelves, and it caught my eye because the cork looked like it was all made of white wax, or something similar. And when I investigated more closely, I was even more interested, because this stuff was shiny.

Because this wine? Has gold flakes in it.

I did a whole two laps and a half around the store (which is what I do when I’m thinking about whether or not I should buy something that’s a little silly and a little out of the range that I wanted to spend) before I came back to get this one. This’ll probably be the last white I buy for a while, since finally, finally temperatures are starting to drop, and I will be able to drink red wine again without wanting to suicide. I decided to whip out the credit card and be stupid to get a stupid-looking, shinyshiny wine.

The wine is a mix of Gewürztraminer, Viognier, and Chardonnay. Two of those three grapes I just love, and I could basically never drink another goddamned Chardonnay in my life and be happy (although I suppose that would be a good goal for me: to find chardonnays that don’t just make me roll my eyes), so I had a feeling the wine might have something beyond its shiny gimmick. My expectations were low, since, well, the bottle was full of gold, but after I let my roommate take a bunch of pictures of the shimmery bottle, I cracked it open and ended up quite pleased.

I initially overchilled this (stuck it in the freezer and then got distracted wrestling my kitchen window open and peeling two heads of garlic), so my first impressions were ‘ah, it’s cold! And it’s white wine!’ But as it returned to a more reasonable temperature, I got some nice scents and flavors. This had a very good aroma; something between pears and peaches, and a little bit of honey. The gold flakes had the benefit of getting me to swirl it a lot to keep them from settling at the bottom, so I kept getting waves of the bouquet. On the tongue, this wine was very acidic–mouth-puckeringly so–but not citrusy at all. Each sip of it just made me want to drink more… despite the acidity, it had a taste of very wet fruits–pear, peach, melon. I really quite enjoyed it. It went well with the massively garlic and chorizo heavy soup I made for dinner tonight.

This wine, while ridiculous, was fun, and almost good enough to justify the price. At the end of the day, though, I’m just wondering if drinking this whole bottle tonight is going to leave me shitting sparkles.

BUY IT AGAIN?: Depends on whether or not I shit sparkles. IS THAT A GOOD THING OR A BAD THING? YOU MAKE THE CALL.