Boozy McGuzzles

BOOZE TYPE: Wine
Price: $8.99 at Astor Center
Rating: B

I’m not going to lie; I appreciate wine that comes in a box, or in other non-bottle forms. And there really are pretty decent forms of box wine out there these days. My mom just about always keeps a box or two of the classier box brands in her pantry for easy access to the occasional glass. They’re a great low-pressure way to have wine… you don’t have to worry about drinking it in any set amount of time, you can just sip away glasses night after night until you’re squeezing the last out of the weird little bag.

But this all is tangential to the wine at hand, which is not in a box at all… it’s more like a juice box. I’ve been drinking French Rabbit wines for quite a long time, because I find everything about them delightful. They’re all inexpensive, but quite pleasing, and you get 250 milliliters more in their tetra pack than you would in a standard bottle. I love grabbing one of the reds for cooking, since I can use a little and then spin the cap back on and put it in the fridge for later without worrying it’ll go to waste. The whites (I’ve actually only had the chardonnay, which is fine, but I’m dead sick of chardonnays in general) are good for nursing over a few summer days and nights.

But, let’s focus on the Pinot Noir in particular. This is absolutely perfect to go in food or with food. It gave great character to my tomato sauce tonight, and did well in a glass next to it, too. Alone, it’s very drinkable and easy; it’s tannic, but still smooth and light. This actually works well as a chilled red, an idea that I’m warming up to (har har) more and more. It’s a little acidic on the tip of the tongue, with some sweetness in the aftermath.

French Rabbit wines make a great simple drinking wine, when you don’t want to think or worry much about what you’re drinking, but still want to have something good.

BUY IT AGAIN: Yep!

BOOZE TYPE: Beer
PRICE: $8.99 for a growler at the Whole Foods Beer Room
RATING: A

Lady pains continued—nay, increased—today, so instead of buying a bottle of Aleve like a normal person who isn’t an alcoholic, I drank more. I actually had plans of going home and taking one of the Tylenol-3’s I have left over from throwing my back out last Christmas, but damn it, I went to check out the Whole Foods Beer Room, and once I was in, there was no turning back. Growler bottles are free this first week, wheras after they’ll be $3, so I couldn’t say no.

The Beer Room itself ended up not being crowded at all, despite my expectations; but everything about the Bowery Whole Foods defies my expectations of yuppie shit in New York. It’s always so nice and not crowded and an easy experience and people are friendly and not douches. Weird! But a very kindly man named Jon filled up my growler, and when the keg got tapped a quarter of the way through, he offered to get me something else if I didn’t want to wait for them to switch kegs, and then it turned out they had a bottle of the Captain Lawrence Liquid Gold sitting in the mini-fridge from a customer who’d changed their mind! I was fine with that, and they put my bottle in a little insulated cold bag and I went home!

The Captain Lawrence Liquid Gold is a freaking delicious beer, and, as promised, a lovely clear gold color, with pretty light carbonation and not much of a head. I’ve been neglecting talk of beers on this blog in favor of wine snobbery, but damn if I didn’t love beer long before I knew half a shit about wine. The description given by Whole Foods is as such: “Aromas of orange, spice, and green grass. Clean, malt-dominated flavor.” These aromas are honestly a little weird, and my first thought as I stuck my nose in the pint glass I stole from my roommate was “cleanser?!” and I worried I hadn’t rinsed the glass out well enough when I washed it. But the taste proved that all was well, and nothing was soap-contaminated. Apparently Moroccan coriander goes into this brew, which probably attributes for some of the odd soapy scent. On the tongue, it’s a nice combo of citrus and malt without too much bitterness, reminding me of some of the good Belgian beers I’ve had at Burp Castle, or some of the wonderful brews from my favorite hometown brewery, Yazoo Brewing Company in Nashville, TN.

Also, it’s kind of a kick in the pants alcohol content-wise. …Maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten dinner yet, but the first glass of this hit me like a truck full of rainbows.

Side dork note: If only this were Captain Laurence beer, then it would be the official beer of the Temeraire novels! …don’t you judge my choice of reading materials.

BUY IT AGAIN: Yes, but probably after I try the other eleven beers the Whole Foods Beer Room has to offer.

BOOZE TYPE: Wine
PRICE: $8.99 at Astor Center (but $2 off with store card!)
RATING: B

Today at work I found myself tired, and grumpy, and beset by what medical professionals would call “lady pains”. I knew that after work I wanted to pour some variety of yummy, soothing alcohol down my gullet. I considered going to investigate the newly opened Whole Foods Beer Room and pickin’ me up a growler, because I love everything about growlers. Hell, at least 60% of what I love is just the name “growler”. But then my brains won out as I remembered that going to any sort of establishment guaranteed to bring yuppie joy on its opening day is more or less a guarantee to bring large crowds and annoying waits. So growlers will come later, and I promise to write when I get one. So to Astor it was.

I’m not going to lie to you. I walked in there and had an honest to god intention of buying a magnum of white zinfandel. I… I’m not proud. But you have to understand, my womb hurts, and I wanted something sweet and shameful. However, when I came around the corner to the shameful section of wines, there were two employees standing, like, right there, and I just couldn’t do it. And after three or four laps around the store (discovering that they carried not only Lichido Lychee liqueur, which my mother has craved since we went to Japan, but also Lucid, the new absinthe brand available in the states, which will so be a next paycheck splurge) I settled on wanting something sparkling, and sweet, and found an old friend.

I’ve had Pêche Imperiale a few times before. The wine is “a harmonious blend of traditional champagne method Saumur wine with natural essences of peach.” What this means is something that tastes like a cross between a pêche lambic ale and a sweet sparkling wine. The peach flavor is actually not too strong; it’s very present in the aroma and the aftertaste, but most of what you get on your tongue is just fizziness and sugar. A lambic would have been better, but for the same amount of liquid, you’d pay more and get less of an alcoholic kick, and sometimes you want a freakin’ alcoholic kick.

All in all, a decent sweet little treat. Great for dessert, or just for fun, and utterly horrid with food. Tuna + red peppers + this wine = oof maybe I’ll just drink water for now.

BUY IT AGAIN: Most likely, yes.