BOOZE TYPE: Wine (debatably)
PRICE: $5.99 at Astor Center
RATING: B (for bees!)
I have no shame in saying that I like a sweet drink now and then, and quite enjoy meads and honey wines. For a while I was really enjoying tej, the Ethiopian answer to honey wine, which I found less cloying-sweet and more true to the flavor of honey than some other meads I had tried.
But the last time I went looking for tej, I found none. Astor Center was out of it, and it has not returned. In its place was Herr Dürer’s gluüweins, available in both weiss and, uh, whatever is german for red. The giant liter bottle is decorated with a lot of German words, and a picture of a scenic snow-covered German village. It was also only $6. I bought it on a goof. I bought it in December on a goof.
It sat on the liquor shelf for months. I kept threatening that I would drink it. I think this sort of beverage is often consumed hot, so I kept saying I would simmer me up a pot come the first snow, which came very late this year. But I didn’t. And I didn’t drink it, and didn’t drink it, and didn’t drink it, until a few nights ago, when I threatened that I would for REALZ this time, and put it in the fridge. And then later, put it in the freezer. I was expecting ill humors, indeed, and the colder the better.
The smell is powerfully sweet, almost exactly like getting a fat snootful of honey. My first reaction on taking a sip was “This tastes like bee pee! Or diabetic fairy urine! It’s just what I expected!” But as I kept drinking it (of course I kept drinking it!) it revealed itself to not be quite as terrible as I thought. Yes, it is very sweet. But it has a strong, true taste of honey, and a bit of nice spice to it, too. …It’s still an utterly ridiculous bottle of alcohol, but not one I should have been afraid of for three and a half months.
BUY IT AGAIN: Geez, probably, I’m prone to fits of madness and fugue states like that.
